Ok anyway, I know that I just wrote another post about discouraging and unwanted behavior from men, but I just wanted to talk about another experience too. When I was backpacking Mexico, one of my hosts, with whom I stayed for about a month, went all over the state of San Luis Potosi with me. We took his car to waterfalls, caves and other fun places. It was incredibly fun. However, it makes me sleepy to be in a car, so I usually put the seat down and take a nap if I am the passenger, and because it was his car, that was what I did every time we took a trip somewhere. It’s hard for me to stay awake and I have more energy to do fun things when we actually get to where we’re going. And because he was athletic, I would be able to have enough energy to keep up with him wherever we were going if I took naps along the way.
Anyway, at the end of the trip, and maybe this was because we had spent so much time together and gotten comfortable with each other, he was playing his music kind of loudly as I was trying to sleep, and I thought this was rude. So I went to turn down the music, and he slapped me! I was mortified. I was in shock and did not say anything for the rest of the ride until we got back to his house, and thankfully, that was our last planned trip together. When we did arrive back at the house, I packed my things, though what happened did not change my plans because I had already planned on leaving the next day long before that. But after I packed, I walked downstairs and I tried to confront him in the gentlest way possible. I wanted to be gentle because we had had so much fun together and had been so kind to me despite slapping on the way home on this last day. What a way to end things. It was sad. But I said, why would you slap me? It is not the way you treat other people. You do not slap others. You use your words. If you did not like something I did, you should verbalize it to me, never physically express your anger.
And he replied that he believed he had the right to behave this way because he thought I had been selfish by sleeping in the car. He had never actually told me this before. I said it is not fair of you to take out your unexpressed feelings to me in anger, aggression and violence and you do not ever slap a woman. There is no excuse. He did not apologize; he felt indignation over the fact that I would sleep as he drove the car. So we disagreed, but I left feeling like he owed me an apology. So several months went by and I finally ended our friendship by sending him a message that I was very disturbed that he thought he had the right to slap a female and then I blocked him. I thought about his kindness and about the fact that without his help I would not have been able to experience so many wonderful things about his part of the country. But none of that trumped the fact that he had been violent with me, so I ended it and haven’t looked back. You cannot allow men, or anyone, to think they can disrespect you, no matter how many great memories you may share.